


Broken For the Scars I Forgave

by Batsutousai



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Discrimination, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, learning to forgive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 02:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13226586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/pseuds/Batsutousai
Summary: Seifer's time serving Ultimecia had led to him betraying the person who meant the whole world to him, and, when all is said and done, a lonely death is the only future he can envision for himself. Squall, however, has different plans.





	Broken For the Scars I Forgave

**Author's Note:**

> Listening to a Seifer & Squall playlist I started ages ago while I was playing _Stardew Valley_ , and a few of them together left me with some ideas for a fic where Seifer and Squall had been an item before canon. Which is a plot I've wanted to do for a while, I just couldn't figure out when to set it and/or how to handle the canon.
> 
> You know, I somehow didn't think this was going to be nearly as long as it turned out. FML.
> 
> Uhm, no Rinoa-bashing? Apparently, I can handle her fine post-canon and/or without her irritating crush and all that came from it. ^^; She does play a relatively large part, but she should be tolerable to other people who wanted to wring her neck in canon. I hope. XD  
> Also, as a note, since people mentioned it the last time I didn't vilify Rinoa, she's not going to join Squall and Seifer in a threesome. They are only ever friends.

It had always amused Seifer, just a lot, how everyone seemed so willing to believe that Squall was chillier than a Trabian winter. 

Which wasn't to say that Squall was the warmest, most personable person on Gaia, because he _wasn't_. He had issues, the most obvious of which was that he hated to get attached to people – Seifer had always known it had something to doing with Squall being abandoned, but it had taken unjunctioning his GFs for almost a month before he could remember who the people who'd abandoned him (them both, really) were, and his inexplicable dislike of certain classmates and teachers had suddenly made a lot more sense – so he'd do his best to keep people at arm's length. But, once you got inside his shell, so long as you were in private, he was plenty personable. 

(Not _warm_ , though; probably because of who his favourite GF was, Squall's hands and feet were pretty much always blocks of ice. Which Seifer had cared a lot more about before he'd got Ifrit and was constantly running hot.) 

Still, in a lot of ways, Seifer was _glad_ that people avoided Squall, because it meant he had his partner all to himself. Outside of, you know, training and classes and meals and Seifer's duties with the Disciplinary Committee. And Squall's bad habit of losing time in the library or going down to the beach and staring out over the water for hours. (At least Seifer always knew where to find him.) 

So why, one might then ask, was Seifer always such an ass to Squall in public? Mostly to keep up appearances – he could admit that he maybe, just a little, had some abandonment issues of his own and had found his own special way of keeping people from getting too close – but also because it was actually a little fun to have to 'make up' for being an unapologetic jerk. The fact that Squall would always laugh when Seifer prostrated himself and made an unnecessarily large production of the whole thing maybe also had a lot to do with it. 

But he wouldn't be winning a laugh from Squall again, not after this massive fuck-up. He'd probably just turn around and walk away if Seifer tried to apologise, no matter how heartfelt it was. 

Seifer would never again get to complain about how Squall knew where the socks and mittens were, or feel the pleasant chill of Squall curled tight again his back, arms wrapped tight across Seifer's chest, as though he was afraid Seifer might slip away while he slept. He'd never see the excited gleam in Squall's eyes again, neither in their bed, nor when they crossed blades. Because that gleam had been missing ever since D-District, when Seifer went _too far_ , had been replaced by a grim shadow that made Seifer sick to think about. 

(Not as sick as when he remembered D-District. That he'd strung up the man he loved and actually _tortured_ him. And it didn't _matter_ that Seifer hadn't been wholly himself, because _Squall_ didn't know that, couldn't possibly know that Seifer had almost managed to stop himself, to pull Squall down and do everything to make it better. Except he hadn't, had been reminded that they were blowing up Garden and had thrown that in Squall's face, then left him to the soldier at the controls.) 

"Here they come!" the man with the long hair called. 

Seifer looked up, past the harpoon that the large, scarred man was holding out from his body, between Seifer and the rest of the people who had come to the Pandora with Squall and them. (The harpoon was meant as a threat, he knew: 'Move and I'll skewer you.' Which Seifer would totally deserve, but he wanted to live long enough, at least, to be sure that Squall had made it back alive. That Seifer's own stupidity hadn't ruined _everything_ good in his life; he already knew he'd ruined his friendship with Fujin and Raijin, and likely marked them as traitors for the rest of their lives. At least if Squall returned, victorious and alive, Seifer would be able to die knowing that the man he loved wouldn't suffer any further because of him.) 

One by one, the people Seifer had once watched leave him and Squall for the promise of parents reappeared with a shudder of space and a sickening sort of _pop_ , like they were being shoved out of an opening that was too small. Each of them looked like shit, sporting a dozen obvious wounds and clothing that was almost more rips than fabric. (Kinneas politely offered the remains of his coat to Tilmitt, and she gave a tired laugh as she accepted it, though it didn't end up doing a whole lot once she'd managed to get her arms through the sleeves instead of one of the many holes.) 

Rinoa was the second-to-last one to appear, and she collapsed to her knees almost right away, clearly exhausted. Tilmitt, Trepe, and Chicken-Wuss all hurried forward to check on her and she put on a tired smile for them, then waved away the hand Chicken-Wuss held down to her. 

"Time Compression is ending," Ellone said. 

_Squall,_ Seifer realised, something terrible climbing his throat. If Squall didn't make it back, Seifer'd– He'd–

Okay, he didn't actually know what he would do, but it would probably involve a lot of screaming and blood. Whether the latter would be just his, or his and the people in front of him, would depend on their reaction times and whether or not they'd left Squall behind. 

"Where is he?" Kinneas asked, arms crossed tight over his chest. Like he was trying to hold himself together at the thought that Squall was _gone_. Like he had any _right_ to feel that way. 

"Squall?" Trepe realised, looking around. Her expression turned distinctly panicked and she looked back down at Rinoa. "Rinoa, can you–?"

But Rinoa was already shaking her head, looking shattered in a way that Seifer had never seen Caraway's darling look before. "I couldn't sense him. When everything fell apart, I sensed each of you. But Squall..." 

"Is he–?" Chicken-Wuss started before cutting himself off and curling his hands into fists. 

"No," Tilmitt whispered, covering her mouth with both hands and looking like she was about to cry. 

Seifer totally got that urge, and he was just gearing up to do something stupid and probably suicidal, when a quiet, familiar voice said, "I'm here," from behind him. 

Seifer twisted to see and, indeed, Squall was standing there, looking battered, but somehow less of a mess than the rest of them. (Seifer suspected that had something to do with his preference for leather, which Seifer had made plenty of dirty jokes about, but he knew Squall had settled on because of its durability. Seifer's own waistcoat was a polyethylene composite that he'd paid some serious gil for; Rinoa had actually been the one to introduce him to the seller, though he doubted she realised he'd used her to buy restricted body armour.) 

"Squall!" most of the others called, sounding relieved. None of them tried to trample Seifer to get to him, though, and he suspected that had more to do with the giant harpoon, then anything to do with Seifer himself. (Honestly, if not for the harpoon, he'd have expected them to trample him in the hopes of killing him. He'd deserve it.) 

Squall nodded to them, his expression the same flat one he always wore in public. "Rinoa?" he asked, just enough concern in his voice to make Seifer's stomach churn with something that felt a lot like jealousy. (Not that he had any right to such emotions, not about this; if Squall had found someone else, good for him. He deserved to be happy.) 

"I'm okay," Rinoa promised, though she didn't really sound it, exhaustion making it sound like every word had to be forced out through sheer force of will. 

Squall nodded once, then he looked down, at Seifer. 

Behind him, someone let out a noise that sounded disgusted, and Seifer looked away, to the side, couldn't bring himself to meet Squall's eyes. Which, he didn't doubt, would say a lot about how defeated he was, that he wouldn't defend himself if Squall wanted to finish things right then and there. 

Except Squall didn't unsheathe his fancy, shining gunblade. Instead, he crouched down in front of Seifer, tilting his head to the side in a manner that was familiar to Seifer, but was so outside of his usual public manner, Seifer wasn't surprised when someone made a confused noise from behind him. "Do you know me?" Squall asked, quiet in a way that was meant to stay just between them. 

"Do I– What?" Seifer rasped, frowning at Squall in confusion, because what did that even _mean_? Of _course_ he knew Squall, how could he _not_? They'd been together their _whole lives_.

Squall's blink was slow and unhurried, despite the whispers from the peanut gallery behind Seifer, all of whom sounded as confused as Seifer felt. "Ah," Squall said after a moment, and his eyes – which had been distant and cold since D-District – warmed with something too close to fondness for it to _possibly_ be aimed at Seifer. "There you are." 

And then Squall sort of pitched forward, his whole body going lax. 

" _Squall_!" Seifer heard himself shout, even as he reached out and caught him before he could knock his head against the crystalline floor. And Seifer was probably the last person Squall wanted touching him, but he was the closest to him, so it was his own fault. And then, because he could – and, damn him, he wanted nothing more than to hug Squall one last time – Seifer shifted so he could sort of drag Squall into his lap. 

Squall's quiet grunt was familiar, and Seifer was reaching for Squall's potions pouch before he could think better of taking such liberties. (His own supplies had been confiscated by the men who had remained behind with Ellone.) When he came up empty, though, he twisted to glare over his shoulder at their audience, about half of whom looked more than a little hostile, and snapped, "Potion. _Now_."

To her credit, Tilmitt moved first, checking first her own pouch, then turning to Rinoa, who was probably the only one who didn't look like she wanted to wring Seifer's neck. "Rinoa?" 

Rinoa gave a tired nod and held up her flowery little bag, which Tilmitt took with a too-cheerful, "Thanks!" then hurried over to Seifer's side. "Squally?" she called, even as she reached into Rinoa's bag and started pulling out medicine jars. 

"Fine," Squall said in a voice that was trying to be even, and maybe even managed to sound that way to everyone else. But Seifer had known Squall – had sparred with him and fought monsters in the Training Centre beside him – for far too long to miss the undertone of pain in the word. Too, Squall hadn't tried to pull away yet, and that suggested he _couldn't_.

"Liar," Seifer said in his best unimpressed voice. 

Squall huffed but, notably, didn't try arguing with him about that. Which was as good as admitting that he _wasn't_ fine. 

Tilmitt made a show of looking between two potions – ridiculously strong, both of them, and Seifer much preferred to think that was just because Rinoa hadn't had anything weaker, than because Tilmitt honestly thought Squall needed it – glanced behind Seifer at someone, then held one of the potions out to him. "Here." 

Seifer blinked at her, thrown. Did she seriously trust him to give Squall the potion? Did she seriously think Squall would actually _accept it from him_?

Tilmitt huffed, but it was Rinoa who said, "Seifer." And there was... _something_ in her voice. Some well of meaning that Seifer was probably meant to have understood, but _didn't_.

Still, Tilmitt apparently wasn't going to try giving Squall his medicine, and he wasn't getting any better without it, so Seifer snatched it from her and shifted so he could get the damn thing open without spilling it everywhere. "C'mon, Ice Princess," he muttered, the endearment slipping from him before he could stop himself. He stiffened, expecting...he wasn't certain what, honestly. Something far worse than the flat stare Squall usually turned on him when he used it in public. (Certainly worse than the amused huff and eye roll he usually got in private.) 

What he got was Squall _relaxing against him_ , the same way he used to do after days he found particularly stressful. Which usually involved having to give a public presentation, or working with a group of their peers. 

Seifer's conditioned reaction was, of course, to drop everything and hug Squall tight – the latter as much a way to ensure he didn't fall over and knock his head on something, as a form of comfort – and while he didn't drop the potion – _Squall needed it_ , dammit – he still wrapped his arms around Squall as best he could and held him tight. And it was–

His breath caught, choked him, and he _knew_ what was coming, but he couldn't managed to swallow back the sob, any more than he could squeeze his eyes shut and keep the tears hidden away. 

He _hated_ crying, hated crying in public even _more_. But he couldn't _stop_ ; like poison from a bite bug's sting, once the needle had punctured it, it just poured out until there was nothing left. Until you were left raw and aching and sagging in all the wrong places. 

Squall, though, he must not have actually been hurt that bad, because he'd straightened and pulled Seifer into one of his familiar chilly hugs, fingers threaded through Seifer's hair in the way he only did when it was either ungelled, or Seifer's own need won out over how much Squall hated touching stiff hair. 

Even with his crying as an excuse, Seifer knew he needed to pull away – Squall's inexplicable touchiness aside, Seifer didn't _deserve_ the comfort of his touch – but he couldn't bring himself to actually move, instead closing his eyes and giving in to the familiar chill that surrounded Squall, letting it lull him to sleep. 

-0-

There was a reason he needed to wake up. But he was comfortable wrapped in the familiar chill of his lover, fingers threading through his hair in that distracted way that Squall always did when he'd woken far too early, but couldn't escape Seifer, so resigned himself to rereading one of the dogeared books he kept stacked next to the bed for just such an event. It didn't happen often – classes, training, and the Disciplinary Committee meant they rarely had such lazy mornings – and so they were some of Seifer's most treasured moments. The sort that he would wrap around himself to forget–

What was he supposed to be forgetting, again? 

Squall's quiet, familiar laugh had Seifer peeking one eye open to look up at him, wondering which book he was reading – Seifer could usually guess the part he was at without even needing to see how many pages he'd got through – but Squall wasn't reading, was looking down at Seifer with fond eyes bisected by a scar that Seifer had given him. 

They hadn't had the chance to sleep together after that incident, too busy with the exam and the fall-out. 

The dream should have fallen away in that moment – Seifer should have woken against whatever freezing wall he'd collapsed against for the brief rest his accursed sorceress allowed him when he couldn't go any further – but it _didn't_.

"You're safe," Squall promised, fingers leaving Seifer's hair and brushing along his cheek. No gloves, because he never wore them in their room. Neither of them did, let it be symbolic of taking off the masks they wore around everyone else. "You're _home_ , Seifer." 

No. 

_No_.

Squall would never forgive him. _Could_ never forgive him. Everything he'd done–

_This was a lie_.

"Get out," he rasped, shoving at her, trying to ignore how realistic her confused expression looked on Squall's stolen face. "Get out of my head. Get out of _him_."

"Seif–"

"Get _out_!" he screamed, pushing as hard as he could. 

She didn't move. She'd always moved when he'd done that, had shifted form and sneered down at him from where she was suddenly standing, because no way a sorceress would end up on the floor before _anyone_ , let alone her _pathetic_ little boy of a knight. 

"I'm not her," she said, her stolen voice quiet and full of grief. "Seifer–"

"Please," he whispered, didn't – _couldn't_ – care that it came out weak and broken; she already knew who he was. "Not him. Please not–"

She leant down, too swift for him to react, and lips that were chilled and chapped pressed against his. 

She'd kissed him before, just once, and it had been so _wrong_ that he'd punched her and managed to rip himself out of whatever hold she'd had on him, wake himself up. But this wasn't–

"Squall?" he gasped against lips that couldn't be fake, were too _familiar_.

"Yes." Those _eyes_ couldn't be fake, either; she had never managed to look quite so _concerned_ before. Oh, she could put on a worried frown and pitch her voice, but, once he knew to look for it, Seifer had always seen the lie in Matron's eyes. 

Except, if this was Squall–

"You can't _be here_ ," he whispered. _Pleaded_.

The familiar confused crinkling of his brow was broken by the line of the scar Seifer had given him, and Seifer felt like he might be sick. The confusion cleared after a moment and cool fingers pressed lightly against his cheek. "Ultimecia's dead, Seifer," Squall said. Promised. 

Seifer shuddered, couldn't say if it was from hearing her name out loud – he'd known her name, on some level, for far too long, but saying it had been _forbidden_ in front of others – or that absolute promise that he was free at last. 

" _You're home_ ," Squall insisted, and he was...beautiful. Everything Seifer couldn't have. 

"I tortured you," he said. Forced it out past the shattered remains of everything that had once been between them. "I–"

"You did _nothing_ ," Squall snarled, and there was such _rage_ in the lines of his face, in the tone of his voice. Utterly unfamiliar, because Seifer had never seen Squall so _angry_. Had never, not once, heard him sound like he wanted to reach through someone's chest and rip their heart out. Squall had always been too level-headed for that, had only ever looked coldly determined. 

Over the past months, every time they'd crossed blades, he'd never seen such rage in Squall. So why was he–?

Squall closed his eyes and sucked in a breath that shuddered his whole body. And when he looked down at Seifer again, he was so obviously struggling with one of his masks, like he had to wear it to keep himself together, but he remembered their promise, that they would never hide themselves from each other. 

Seifer felt sick. 

"You hesitated," Squall said, something not-quite-right about his voice. He clenched his jaw, swallowed, and shook his head. "I _saw_. It wasn't–"

Seifer got it. He did. There was an easy way out in front of him, a chance to have Squall back, forever, everything forgiven. They could forget the past few months and pretend nothing had ever happened, that there weren't months of war and seas of blood between them. They could pretend Seifer had never thrown Squall against an electric fence and flipped the switch, that he hadn't fired missiles at a building full of innocent children. 

Seifer swallowed down bile, made himself meet Squall's eyes when he said, "It _was_ me." 

" _No_!" Squall shouted. And then he was out of their bed and pacing, one hand fisted in his hair, and Seifer had _never_ seen him like this. "I _saw_. You _hesitated_. And then that–that– the guard. He came in and said–"

Seifer knew what he'd said. The missiles were ready. Seifer's own little plan, crafted because–!

...because why? Why had he ever thought that firing missiles on Garden was a good idea? 

Why had he thought that torturing Squall–?

Pain lanced through his head, and Seifer was vaguely aware of someone shouting his name, but all he could focus on was–

_Grabbing Matron's extended arm, screaming, screaming, screaming–_

_**SQUALL**_

_{Your love or your home}_

_**...he couldn't...**_

_{Now you will lose both}_

–he had lost everything. 

-0-

He didn't need to open his eyes to know where he was; the Balamb Garden infirmary would never change, not really, and the scent of potions and bleach was always enough to tell him exactly where he was. 

He felt sort of floaty and apathetic, like nothing mattered. Even though he knew – some distant, screaming part of him – that things _should_ matter. That a specific _person_ should matter. 

But that wasn't the case, so he decided to just go back to sleep. 

"Seifer?" Someone said. His name. 

"Rinoa," he rasped, aware that he recognised the voice. He was a little surprised at how raw his voice sounded, but that didn't matter any more than anything else. 

"Squall asked me to watch you while he slept." 

Squall? Should that name mean something to him? 

Flashes of memory: _A small, familiar smile that no one else ever saw; the control panel of the Lunatic Pandora; cold hands brushing along his skin; missile codes; the gleam of **life** over crossed blades; an electric fence with a body slumped against it._

Bile climbed his throat, and he missed – as desperately as a missing limb – the apathy that had covered him like a blanket. 

"Squall is–" He stopped, not sure what he wanted to know. 

"Sleeping. Finally," Rinoa said, and something in the way she'd said the last implied that it had been a fight to make him retire. Which, well, Seifer could have told her that Squall would only sleep on his own time, never on anyone else's. "We should talk, you and me," she added. 

Seifer scoffed to hide the way his stomach churned at the thought of _why_ she'd want to talk to _him_ of all people. Especially without Squall around. "About how much you want to bang him?" he demanded, mouth twisted into a snarl because he knew that would change the shape of his words, hide how much the thought made him alternately sick and ready to lash out. 

(He didn't have the right, had given it up the moment he'd followed a sorceress who looked almost-familiar through a wall.) 

Rinoa sighed. "How unnecessarily crude," she said, and Seifer finally opened his eyes to glare at her. She looked...tired. Worn through and too thin, like something was eating away at her from inside. "No," she said as she met his eyes, "Ultimecia." 

Ice bled into his veins and he couldn't stop from tensing, from clenching his hand around a gunblade that he didn't have. "What about her?" he demanded, and his voice was too sharp, too tight, too _telling_.

She refolded her hands in her lap, prim and proper and careful in a way that twigged at Seifer's attention, but whatever tells she had were too subtle for him, especially when he was trying to hold himself in close, give nothing away; he'd always been far better at reading Squall than anyone else. "She was in my head, too," Rinoa said, quiet and perfectly even. 

"Congratulations," Seifer bit out. 

And then he connected Ultimecia with Rinoa's appearance and he couldn't stop from shifting away, hugging the far side of the narrow hospital bed. 

Rinoa laughed, and it sounded as shattered as parts of Seifer felt. "We're both anathema," she said, and she was smiling, but Seifer thought he could see her slowly falling to pieces in front of him. 

She'd left them both broken, that wicked sorceress of children's nightmares. 

"Who's your knight?" Seifer had to ask, because Ultimecia hadn't needed a hand to manage her magic, but she also hadn't had it all dumped on her in the middle of a war (he assumed) and suffered a coma, possession, and time travel in the month following getting her magic. And if that same ugly magic was making Rinoa – who'd always been so _alive_ and _bright_ , for all her naïveté – look like she was slowly dying, she needed help. 

Her smile didn't so much as twitch, but Seifer thought it maybe took on a slightly bitter edge when she said, "Squall." 

Of course, he should have guessed. It wasn't like Squall lacked in willpower or inner strength, so why did Rinoa look so shitty? Did Squall just not know _how_ to help her? (Unlikely; they'd grown up together, and Seifer had never hidden his interest in becoming a sorceress' knight.) Or did he just not _care_? (Impossible; Squall wasn't the sort to ignore a problem that was his alone to take care of. Unless...) 

Rinoa shifted, leaning forward a bit, and her smile fell to something far too serious for the young woman he'd once known. "She knew, you know," she told him. "The lengths you'd go to to keep him safe? She knew." 

Ultimecia, Seifer realised after a moment that felt too long. Rinoa was saying that Ultimecia had known how much Squall meant to him. Which, _duh_. "So?" he demanded, hated how tight his voice came out. He tried to stretch back out over his bed, look a little less tense and defensive, but looking at her was enough to remind him that Ultimecia's magic was _right there_. Was wearing her to pieces. 

And Squall, for some reason only he knew, was doing less than nothing to help her shoulder the burden. 

"Reviving Adel and giving me to her?" Rinoa said, voice just shy of too careful, but Seifer still tensed, still had to swallow down the taste of bile and look away. Because yeah, okay, he'd only dragged Rinoa away to try and keep Squall away, to protect him from Adel. Because Ultimecia might have been willing to stop shy of killing Squall for the opportunity to hold him over Seifer's head, but the monster that destroyed their childhoods would not play by those same rules. 

"Killing children?" Rinoa said, her tone gentle, but her words striking as painfully as the snap of Trepe's whip. 

(Garden or Squall? It hadn't been a hard choice.) 

"Torturing–"

" _Stop_ ," Seifer whispered. Wanted to shout it, to reach out and _shake her_ –

(Alive or hating him? Still not a hard choice, not until he'd heard Squall's voice crack in the middle of a scream, shattering the resolve he'd built up to stand against any pleading looks, any whispered instances of his name. 

He would probably die uncertain if that warden interrupting them had saved or damned him.) 

"But," Rinoa said, quiet but firm, "you both, I think, underestimated _him_."

Who? Squall? How had he underestimated him? He'd underestimated the other assholes, hadn't thought they'd have found a way to get themselves and Squall free without help. And he _certainly_ hadn't expected that they'd manage to blow up the missile base, or move Garden just in the nick of time. (Though he was willing to give that last one to Squall; Fujin and Raijin had said that the rumours had him being the one to get Garden moving.) 

"Fighting Edea, going to Esthar, going through time to face Ultimecia..." Rinoa took a deep breath, then her hand snapped out, too fast for Seifer to judge, and wrapped iron-tight around his wrist. When he met her eyes, there was something steely in her gaze, something that reminded him so very much of Squall at his most serious, it was chilling. "Everything he did was to save _you_. From her." 

"What?" Seifer blinked, thrown. Why would Squall have thought he'd needed saving? He _hadn't_.

(He had.) 

"You are his _entire world_ , Seifer," she hissed, and he could hear echoes of the nightmare sorceress in the edge to her voice, a little too close to mad on power, and it _terrified him_. "You need to _sort yourself out_ , do you hear me? Because you're not the only one who needs him." 

"I don't–" Seifer choked on the denial, because as much as he didn't deserve Squall's forgiveness, a wretched, disgusting part of himself _craved it_. Wanted to cling to him with the same hands that had wielded Hyperion with the intent to seriously wound, wanted to kiss him with the same lips that had taunted him, had threatened to destroy the only home they'd ever had. 

"He's not going to give you a _choice_. Asshole." And then she let him go and slumped back in the chair next to his bed, looking like the effort had drained the last of her reserves. "Save your crisis for a different month." 

Seifer wasn't having a _crisis_ , fuck, he just...didn't deserve to still be alive. To be walking free in Garden. To have Squall making him his priority for anything other than turning his own actions back on him. 

And yet. 

(Squall always had been the better of the two of them.) 

He forced himself to focus on Rinoa, because she definitely looked like she was having a crisis. And he... She scared him, on a soul-deep level, because he'd spent too much time with the woman who'd once wielded her magic, had been dragged back from the brink of death by Ultimecia in Rinoa's body, been made to leave Squall behind while he left to rain hell down on Esthar. 

But, too, he hadn't...minded her, during their brief friendship before things went to hell, and she clearly meant _something_ to Squall, or he'd never have agreed to be her knight, would have suggested she look to one of the others. 

He didn't know _how_ he knew it, but he knew that he could reach out, could take the hand she'd just been holding him with – tried to pretend he hadn't hesitated, that his stomach wasn't churning with something that felt too close to terror – and sort of... _push_ some of his own energy into her. 

She straightened, her cheeks already filling in and making her look a little more human, and she shook his hold away, her eyes gone wide. " _What did you do_?" she demanded, and her magic churned around them, pushing against Seifer one moment, then pulling hard away the next. 

Rinoa might not be Ultimecia, but she definitely had her cruel magic. 

Seifer let himself sink back against the infirmary bed and closed his eyes. "Squall's job," he rasped. 

"You _idiot_!" Rinoa shouted, but she didn't really sound angry. 

Well, Seifer honestly didn't care if she was, was already falling back into the comforting abyss of unconsciousness. 

-0-

When he woke the next time, there was a hand wrapped around his wrist, too-cold fingers pressed to his pulse, and he wasn't surprised when Squall said, "You realise that stunt almost killed you," before Seifer opened his eyes or allowed himself to show any other overt signs of being awake. Feeling for his pulse was a trick Squall had picked up years ago, after Seifer made one too many comments about his habit of watching him sleep. 

"You realise," he replied in his raspy voice, without opening his eyes, "that your sorceress could have lost control of her magic and killed everyone in Balamb." 

Squall, tellingly, didn't have a response for that. 

Seifer sighed, then turned his head to face Squall and opened his eyes to shoot him his best flat look. "It's not like you to get distracted from your duties, Leonhart." 

Squall's face did that amusing little all-over twitch that happened when he struggled with keeping his public face on in response to something Seifer'd said. 

(Seifer wondered, while trying to ignore his stomach's churning, if Squall did that around anyone else, now.) 

But then Squall straightened, squaring his shoulders, and squeezed Seifer's wrist tight enough that Seifer honestly feared he might break it, then said, "You're one of my duties." 

"How sweet," Seifer returned in his best unimpressed tone. "My knees have gone weak and everything." 

Squall huffed and slumped back into his chair, his hand loosening around Seifer's wrist. "Don't be an ass." 

Seifer rolled his eyes and forewent his usual rejoinder in favour of saying, "Don't put a war criminal above your sorceress again. _Sir_ Leonhart." 

"You're not a–!"

"Squall," Seifer interrupted, because he did no one any favours by lying about that; what Squall and Rinoa thought about Seifer's involvement was one thing, but he doubted anyone else with even the vaguest idea about events were willing to wear such rosy glasses. Seifer, himself, knew his crimes, and coercion was a defence for wimps. 

Squall's face went tight all over, and Seifer knew what expression he'd be wearing if they were behind closed doors. "You've been exonerated." 

"Really," Seifer returned with a flat stare. 

" _Really_ ," Squall shot back, his particular brand of icy fire in his eyes. "I'm the commander of SeeD." 

Seifer blinked a few times, uncertain he'd understood him right. But, no, that was definitely smugness in the barely perceptible tilt of Squall's lips, and there was absolutely a victorious spark in his eyes. "Squall," Seifer said, letting his eyes fall closed, "you shouldn't abuse your title that way." 

Squall's hand tightened on his wrist again. "I'll use it any way I please," he hissed, the words the closest to a snarl that Seifer had heard from him outside of their bedroom in... _years_.

Seifer opened his eyes to stare at Squall, tried to read him despite all of his masks being up. And it wasn't easy, but he _knew_ Squall – knew all of his tells – and Rinoa had unknowingly filled in a massive blank during her visit: _"Everything he did was to save_ you _."_

Unlike becoming Rinoa's knight, he hadn't made the choice to become the commander of SeeD. Most likely, it had been forced on him without him having a choice in the matter, and when the title wasn't done away with after the crisis was handled, he'd decided to be as petty and childish as most people didn't realise he could be, and used it for his own personal gain. Which, in this case, had been clearing Seifer's name. And probably Matron's, knowing Squall. 

(Honestly, Seifer _had_ wondered why he'd taken a position that was so high-profile, given his usual reticence when it came to sharing any part of himself with people. Other than Seifer. But he'd ended up assuming Squall had done it because he knew he was the only one who could have hoped to predict Seifer. And that he'd probably wanted to be able to force people to save killing Seifer for himself. Not that Squall had apparently _ever_ wanted Seifer dead. Idiot.) 

Well, fine. So Seifer was exonerated of all of his crimes. (To Garden, at least; how much stock the rest of the world would put in the word of a teenaged mercenary was anyone's guess.) "If I'm in the clear, then you can focus on your sorceress," he informed Squall, because he wasn't going to let that go. 

"I am _not_ going to leave you to run away to Galbadia in search of punishment," Squall said, voice flat and unimpressed. 

Seifer huffed and closed his eyes. "I'm not _that_ much a glutton for punishment," he muttered, though the possibility had certainly occurred to him. Still, if Squall really _had_ chased through time for Ultimecia on Seifer's behalf, he'd never make it off Balamb. Might not even make it out of Garden before someone grabbed him. 

Squall scoffed, because he clearly knew Seifer too well. 

Kadowaki interrupted them, then, and she berated Squall for not coming to get her, even as she checked Seifer over. Squall, unsurprisingly, didn't react to her commentary – Seifer had watched this particular byplay a few too many times; Squall had always been both the worst patient and the worst visitor – and Seifer suffered her checks with his best annoyed glower and a few of the huffs he saved for overbearing teachers and doctors. 

Kadowaki was used to both of them, and it didn't take her long to check Seifer over. "You're on bedrest for another day," she informed him, before turning to glare at Squall. "If I send him back with you, will you let him _rest_?" Because she'd known they were together practically from day one; hickeys were hard to hide from the doctor who had practically raised you and saw you on a regular basis because the rest of the adults around you let you carry weapons around everywhere. To her credit, she'd never so much as _joked_ about sharing their secret with anyone else, which was probably the only reason Seifer and Squall had continued pretending to be nothing more than rivals in public. 

Squall's emotionless stare didn't so much as twitch. "I have no intention in disrupting his rest for anything other than food." 

Seifer's stomach, of course, chose that moment to let out a loud rumble. 

Seifer didn't need to look to know amusement would be flashing through Squall's eyes – there and gone too fast to catch, unless you were watching for it – and Kadowaki's own loud snort made her amusement clear. Seifer crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at her in response, if only because it was expected. 

Kadowaki shook her head at Seifer, then turned back to Squall. "Food isn't a bad plan, but you'll have to grab it to go." Squall shrugged and nodded; that was pretty obvious with Seifer on bedrest. "And your friends?" 

Seifer had about half a minute to wonder at that question – and the faint tensing of the skin around Squall's eyes, which suggested Kadowaki had stumbled on an uncomfortable topic – before Squall deadpanned, "Rinoa's distracting them." 

Seifer managed to hold his tongue until he'd been released from the infirmary, Squall walking close to his side, prepared to lend a hand if Seifer needed help, but both of them aware he would only reach out for such if he was truly desperate. 

Once out in the busy hub of Garden, Seifer couldn't keep from saying, "I guess the traitors aren't as forgiving as you and the princess." 

The look Squall sent him was close enough to his usual flat stare to fool any passers-by, but Seifer saw the signs of anger in the ice of his gaze and the slight downward turn of his mouth. "That's the word you're going with," he said in that familiar flat tone that gave nothing away. 

"They left first," Seifer replied in his own flat tone. 

Squall's stride faltered just enough that Seifer, walking next to him, noticed, but no one else probably would have. He didn't speak again until they were back in their room – Squall's SeeD quarters; he'd apparently taken the time to collect and move over all of Seifer's belongings from both of their cadet rooms, and Seifer tried to ignore the way that made something inside him crow in victory – and he'd closed the door. Then, he turned to Seifer, his expression twisted with confusion and hurt. "You can't, honestly, hold them getting adopted against them," he said quietly. 

Seifer crossed his arms over his chest, because he didn't know what else to do with them, and tried to remember how to make his expression relax into something that didn't feel like a mask. (It had been so long since he'd been safe to show who he was; the conversation in the infirmary had been so much easier.) "I can, and I _do_ ," he snapped. "So did you, once." 

"When I was a _child_ ," Squall snapped, everything about his stance warning he was rapidly approaching angry, and Seifer no longer had a different room to retreat to. 

Seifer, though, had been clinging to his own anger with their childhood companions to get him through the past few months, and he didn't care enough about his own recovering health to back off. Instead, he stepped forward and straightened, using the ten or so centimetres he had on Squall to his advantage. "In case you've forgotten, _Squally_ , their little betrayal _broke you_."

Squall flinched and looked away; he hadn't forgotten, then, he'd just been trying to play happy family for some reason Seifer didn't _want_ to understand. 

"We all had a choice, Squall," Seifer said, needing to drive his point home. "They picked parents over us. Over the family they _already had_. And then they _forgot about us_."

"Irvine didn't," Squall muttered. 

Seifer scoffed. "Good for him." 

Squall took a deep breath, seemed to shrink a little bit more, and Seifer felt something in his chest give a lurch, because that could never be a good sign. "I don't...think I ever had a choice." 

Seifer blinked a few times, trying to decipher that, and eventually settled on asking, "What does that mean?" 

Squall blew out a hard breath, setting his bangs dancing, and peeked up at Seifer, something wretched ruining his expression. "After Ultimecia. I was late." 

"Noticed that," Seifer returned, hated how the words came out raspy. 

(It was _Squall_. He was allowed to be broken in front of him.) 

Squall looked down at his feet, the closest to an apology for worrying him that Seifer expected he'd ever get, and explained, "I got...side-tracked. At the orphanage. Fifteen or so years ago." Seifer felt like Shiva had run her hand down his back, even as Squall looked up at him, his own eyes tormented. "I told Matron to create Garden and SeeD," he whispered. "I told her she made us to fight sorceresses. Even though I knew– I'd just watched Ultimecia give her her powers. And I–"

Seifer yanked him into a hug, squeezing his eyes shut against the quiet sobs that Squall must have been holding in for... Hyne, how long had it been since he'd made it back to their time? Seifer'd slept through far too much of it, had been so concerned with his own crimes, he'd missed that Squall had been struggling with his own regret over actions he couldn't take back. 

Squall had told Matron to create her own doom, essentially. And she must have realised who he was – or else memories of Adel meant she was aware of how utterly _dangerous_ sorceresses could be, and damn her own potential fate – because Seifer didn't think she'd have been quite so willing to follow a stranger's directives, else. 

Though, Squall'd said he didn't have a choice about being adopted, so Matron had probably recognised him as an adult. Had made sure he went straight to Garden. Which meant Seifer had been the only one of the two of them who'd had the choice to stay. Would Squall have stayed if he'd had a choice? Would he have left Seifer, same as the others? 

Seifer tightened his arms around Squall, forced his brain away from that track, because he wasn't sure he could handle the heartache it would leave him with. Instead, he tried to find some way to make it better, to ease Squall's guilt. 

But he'd come up with nothing by the time Squall stepped back, rubbing tiredly at wet eyes. "I know there's nothing for it," he said, and he sounded so defeated, Seifer wanted to scream. "You can't change your past." 

Seifer didn't really have a response for that – honestly, most people didn't get the chance to go playing in time – so he settled on grabbing Squall's arm and dragging him over towards the bed. "Lie down with me," he ordered. 

Squall's mouth quirked, just a little, like he didn't have the energy for a full-on smile. 

(Seifer wanted to kill something.) 

Still, Squall let himself be tugged into the bed with Seifer, both of them settling too-easily into their familiar positions, the chill of Squall's body curling against Seifer's back, freezing arms wrapped tight around his chest. 

"You don't have Ifrit, do you?" Squall murmured after a moment, probably because Seifer had started shivering. 

"No," Seifer said, didn't try explaining how Ultimecia had taken away his junctions first thing, insistent that a _real_ knight didn't need outside help to protect his sorceress. (In retrospect, Seifer wondered if that hadn't been a way to help solidify his attachment to Matron. Whether or not she'd anticipated it affecting his interactions with the men and women he'd grown up with, he couldn't say.) 

"Do you want him back?" 

Seifer considered that for a moment. Junctioning Ifrit made it a lot easier to share space with Squall, and he did sort of miss the fire demon's particular brand of unimpressed commentary. But, too, did he really want to chance forgetting things again? His childhood, his relationship with Squall, the terrible things he'd done over the past few months... 

He shivered again, as Squall breathed out against his cheek, and admitted, at least to himself, that being able to share a bed with Squall was far more important to him than his memories, and Hyne knew Squall would never unjunction Shiva, not with his abandonment issues. So he nodded and said, "Yeah." 

Squall kissed his shoulder, then shifted and pulled away from Seifer's back. There came the sound of a drawer opening, some shuffling of stuff, then the drawer closing. And then Squall was back, holding forward a red crystal in one hand. 

Collecting Ifrit was a requirement, Seifer knew, the same as they'd been required to train with Shiva or Quezacotl for most of their childhood. Seifer had unjunctioned Shiva shortly after getting her, and he suspected Squall had done the same with Ifrit. And then he'd saved the fire demon away as a 'just in case', because sometimes it helped to have a back-up GF or two that hadn't been junctioned. 

Seifer accepted the crystal and let it sink into his skin. This version of Ifrit was far weaker than the one he'd put so much time and effort into training, but he clearly knew Seifer, because he almost immediately started bitching about how Seifer'd unjunctioned and _left him_.

Seifer smiled, even though Ifrit's complaining wasn't really funny, and relaxed back into Squall's hold. "Thanks," he murmured, Ifrit's warmth easing away the constant chill of Squall pressed up against his back. 

Squall didn't respond for a long moment, but then he said, "I missed you." 

Seifer's heart ached, and he reached up and pressed his hands to the arms across his chest, holding them there. "Yeah," he croaked, couldn't come up with anything better. Couldn't find the courage to voice what he was pretty sure Squall had already figured out: Seifer had given up on having Squall back months ago. 

-0-

The first time Seifer left Squall's room on his own, once Kadowaki declared him of acceptable health, it quickly became clear that, while Squall and Rinoa might have forgiven him for his actions, no one else had. People had avoided him before, but he'd never suffered quite so many hostile glares, nor ever had a SeeD come up to him in the hallway and snarled, "You should be rotting in prison, _traitor_."

Replying, "I know," without any of the smugness he'd worn like a coat around himself for years had apparently shocked her speechless, because he was able to move on without any further commentary from her. A hollow victory. 

Squall's little group of 'friends' were equally displeased to see him out and about, as evidenced by the cold glares Trepe and Kinneas turned on him any time they were in the same room, or the way the Chicken-Wuss would shadowbox with violent intent in his general direction any time he saw Seifer. Tilmitt was the only one who didn't look ready to murder him, her expression always taking on a sort of hesitant cast when she saw him, before she would turn away and walk away from him. 

It shouldn't have hurt – he _didn't like them_ – but it sort of did. Felt a little like he was being abandoned by them all over again. And he _hated_ that weakness, took to haunting the training centre and the infirmary when Squall had other duties (if he was with Seifer, everyone kept a polite distance and didn't turn any hostile looks on Seifer where Squall might see, which was as entertaining as it was disgusting; if they hated him so much, he didn't see why they had to _hide it_ ), because then he didn't have to deal with any of them. And if Kadowaki thought he belonged in prison, she kept it to herself, seemed perfectly happy to have an extra pair of hands to order around. 

He missed Raijin and Fujin a lot, though he wasn't certain they'd have been any more willing to accept him, after everything he'd put them through. Squall had told him, when he'd worked up the courage to ask, that they'd officially withdrawn from Garden and, as far as he was aware, had settled down in Balamb Town. Which meant they were plenty close enough for Seifer to borrow a car and visit them for a day – Squall had ensured he knew he was allowed to do so, that he had all the same rights he'd had as a cadet, though it was pretty clear to both of them that Seifer wouldn't be returning to classes – but Seifer didn't know if he'd be welcome, and didn't want to impose if he wasn't. So he stayed in Garden and ached. 

It took a few days for him to realise that he wasn't the only person that most of Garden seemed to want gone; Rinoa – when Squall or their 'friends' weren't around – received just as many hostile looks as Seifer. 

The first time Seifer saw a cadet walk up to the sorceress and make the Sign of Hyne at her, then hiss, "Begone, she-demon!" he saw red. 

"Seifer, _no_!" Rinoa shouted, hands wrapping around his bicep tight enough that it almost hurt. 

Seifer blinked, realised he was holding the cadet off the floor by the front of his shirt, and was a little disturbed to realise that he couldn't remember making the conscious choice to move. He forced himself to set the kid down, to ignore his wide, terrified eyes, and order, "Walk away." 

The kid ran, which was close enough. 

"You can't _attack people_ ," Rinoa hissed, her nails digging into the sleeve of his coat hard enough that he could feel the ache of pressure. 

"Squall know they're doing that to you?" Seifer demanded, because he was going to beat the cold idiot around the head if he was ignoring his sorceress again. 

Rinoa sighed and slumped slightly, and Seifer saw the same strain he felt every time he had to leave the comfortable security of Squall's room. "He's doing what he can," she said, sounding so close to defeat. 

Seifer turned to sneer at the closest group of glaring cadets, making a show of reaching over his shoulder, towards Hyperion's handle. 

The area around them cleared faster than Seifer could have drawn his trusty blade. Which was as pathetic as it was entertaining. 

"Come on," he ordered, and ushered Rinoa to the training centre. 

"Seriously?" Rinoa complained as they stepped into the hallway leading between the central hub and the training centre. 

Seifer shrugged. "No one stops me from killing things that look at me sideways in here," he said by way of excuse. 

She laughed, though, and pulled out her preferred projectile weapon. Which was ridiculously weak, from what he knew about it, but Seifer kept him comments to himself; it wasn't as though she'd grown up learning to fight for her life, and she had different abilities, now, though he didn't actually see her using them. (He tried very hard not to wonder if she was as terrified of her magic as he was, if maybe that wasn't the reason she didn't seem inclined to use it.) 

Squall found them maybe forty minutes later, when they were in the middle of decimating a rather large group of grats. He didn't actually join them until all the grats were dead, clearly trusting that they could handle themselves – Seifer was fairly certain he'd have got involved if it was a t-rexaur, if only because ice was one of their weaknesses – but Seifer had spotted him early enough in the fight to know he was nearby if things went to shit and they needed an extra blade for some reason. 

When Squall jumped down from his perch on one of the boulders uphill from them, Rinoa flipped her hair back, out of her face, and informed him, "You're such a lazy knight." 

Squall made a show of rolling his eyes – slow and obvious in that way he did when he wanted to make sure someone saw it – and drily replied, "If you need my help against grats, my rushing to your aid is the least of our concerns." 

Seifer snorted, because if grats were a problem, she really shouldn't be allowed on her own in Garden. Which, actually, he realised, might not be that untrue. Though not because she couldn't handle herself against the average cadet. 

Squall sighed. "What happened?" he asked, and Seifer was fairly certain, based on the exhaustion in Squall's eyes, that he already had a pretty good idea. 

Well, Seifer wasn't about to lie about things, so he replied, "Some little pissant made the Sign of Hyne at your sorceress and called her a she-demon. I took offence." 

"Violently," Rinoa added, and Seifer couldn't read her tone, couldn't see her face to tell if she disapproved or not. (Not that he _needed_ her approval.) 

Squall pressed a hand to his forehead in that way he often did when he needed a minute to control his expression. (At least, that's what Seifer had always assumed it meant. It could have been a sign of an impending headache, though Seifer didn't know of any Squall had got medical attention for, and he never complained of headaches behind closed doors.) 

And then Squall looked at Seifer, his expression far more obviously tired than Seifer was used to seeing in public, and he said, "Thank you." 

"Did you just–?" Rinoa started, sounding like she was way more entertained than Seifer thought Squall opening up like that deserved. 

But then Squall threw her an almost amused, but still tired, look, and Seifer realised there was a story there that he hadn't been privy to. Which hurt, a little, but he also knew he could get the whole thing out of Squall eventually. (Assuming Rinoa wasn't feeling talkative first.) 

Still, Seifer had other concerns right then, so he shrugged the stories he'd missed away and said, "I know my presence is a problem, for obvious reasons, but Her Majesty here was on the side of the angels pretty much the entire time; what's Garden's issue with her?" 

Squall's mouth twisted with disapproval, and Seifer honestly couldn't say if it was because of Seifer's continued insistence that his actions deserved a hefty punishment, the fact that Garden couldn't bring themselves to accept Rinoa with open arms, or a mix of the two. 

Rinoa was the one who, shoulders drooping, said, "It doesn't matter whose side I was on, I'm a sorceress. And SeeD..." 

"Was created to take out sorceresses that pose a threat to humanity," Seifer finished for her, "which you don't. Generally." 

Squall snorted, clearly aware that Seifer had added that last just to be an asshole. Rinoa, too, looked more entertained than upset, and Seifer wondered when she'd cottoned on that he wasn't quite the heartless shit that he liked to play in public. (Also, when had she become someone who it was safe to not hide everything from? And did it have more to do with Seifer technically playing knight for her while Ultimecia was possessing her, or because Squall was her current knight? More importantly, why the fuck did he actually care about the why?) 

"A sorceress is still a sorceress," Rinoa said after a moment, and she looked tired. Like maybe she knew a losing battle when she saw one. 

(Seifer suspected he wasn't the only person who wanted to go back in time and destroy Adel before she could teach the world that sorceresses were dangerous. Not that she was the first, really, just the most memorable. And Seifer didn't think she should really count, since the story went that it was the death of her knight that had set her on her destructive spiral, and her refusal to accept a new one had left her to the madness of a sorceress' magic gone out of control. Not that his opinions meant anything to the fear their world had of another sorceress possessing that sort of power.) 

"I will attempt to, again–" Squall started. 

"You can't _order_ people to play nice, Leonhart," Seifer interrupted, because he knew where Squall was going with that. "They'll figure out she doesn't want them all dead in their own time. Or, you know, they'll learn to trust you can handle her. Whichever." 

Rinoa coughed and said, "About that," while Squall pressed a hand to his forehead again. 

When Rinoa didn't immediately continue, and Squall seemed content to hide behind his hand, Seifer crossed his arms tight over his chest and demanded " _What_?"

"Someone started a rumour that I was lying about being Rinoa's knight," Squall said in that particular flat tone that Seifer knew meant he wanted to kill something. "Your little stunt in the infirmary, not to mention Rinoa's clear health now that you're up and about, has turned that rumour into fact." 

Seifer blinked, attempting to work his head around that, before sighing and turning a tired stare on Squall. 

Squall unwound enough to send him a grimace in response. 

"So," he said, turning to Rinoa, "what you're saying is, you're a sorceress and they all think a war criminal – don't contradict me, Leonhart – is the one helping you manage your powers." 

"Yes?" Rinoa replied, looking a little like she didn't know if she should laugh or cry at the whole mess. Which Seifer totally got. 

Squall snorted. 

Rinoa sighed and drooped slightly. "Trying to correct people just seems to make me less trustworthy, in their eyes, so I gave up. Hopefully everyone will just get used to me being here and calm down." 

Seifer turned a flat stare on her, because he could pretty much _guarantee_ that things weren't going to work out near so cleanly. 

The roar of a t-rexaur had them all looking up and around. Rinoa was the closest, and she took a step back upon sighting it, which Seifer was nearly certain hadn't been intentional. But it was enough to have Squall racing forward to get between his sorceress and the monster, the ice of Shiva's summoning already chilling the air of the clearing. 

Seifer stood back to watch, nearly certain he wouldn't actually have to get involved – he didn't – and taking the chance to sort through the thoughts that were niggling at the back of his head. Had been for a while, but he'd avoided looking too hard at them because he knew what Squall's response would be. 

Once the t-rexaur was down for the count, Seifer said, "It may be time to leave Garden." 

Rinoa turned a wide-eyed look on him, and Squall's flat, "You're not leaving, Seifer," was so very predictable. 

Seifer made a show of rolling his eyes, then used his free hand to motion between all three of them. "I wasn't thinking to go alone." 

Rinoa sighed, the sort of sound that made Seifer suspect she'd had this conversation – or one very like it – with Squall before, and it hadn't gone particularly well. But, then, she hadn't spent over a decade arguing with Squall about everything under the sun. 

"I have duties–" Squall started, so very predictable. 

"You have a job that was forced on you and which you hate," Seifer interrupted, before Squall could really get going. "The only reason to remain with SeeD is being sent on missions, which you can't do from behind a desk, and you're not going to trust anyone enough to take over for you in your absence, to be able to assign yourself a mission in an attempt to get away, and you _know it_."

Squall pressed his fingers to the centre of his forehead, which Seifer took as proof that he'd hit that nail on the head. 

"Find some place with a wire connection or isn't too far from a rail station, and you can even keep in touch with those assholes you call friends." 

"Seifer," Rinoa said, practically radiating disapproval. 

"Don't bother," Squall muttered; it had taken him almost two weeks to get Seifer to agree to stop calling them traitors, which was at least half because Seifer was determined to be obstinate and refused to forgive them the way Squall seemed to have. (As far as he was concerned, there was no forgiving them. And them wanting nothing to do with him was actually sort of proving his point. Though he was fairly certain that Squall would disagree.) 

Seifer rolled his eyes. " _Look_ , Rinoa's near-about miserable here, I'm ready to kill a cadet or six, and you're liable to have a mutiny on your hands if something doesn't change. So why not skip the bloodshed, just this once, and take the easy road out?" 

Squall turned one of his more stubborn stares on Seifer, who responded by looking at Rinoa. 

He'd expected her to make her own case, maybe point out that she wasn't the only one of the two of them who was miserable, but all she did was say, "Squall, _please_ ," in a quiet, broken sort of voice. 

Seifer was fairly certain that even Squall's icy edges were no defence against that plea, so he wasn't surprised when Squall slumped, some of his masks peeling away to show how worn he looked. "Where would we even go?" he asked in a voice that sounded too young, too _raw_.

(Seifer had to fight the very real urge to hurry over and pull him into a hug.) 

"I was thinking Timber?" Rinoa suggested; somehow, Seifer wasn't surprised. "And if Seifer's coming with, then you can't complain that you won't be enough to keep me safe away from Garden." 

That sounded like an argument from a previous iteration of this debate. And, for all that being around Rinoa still creeped him out on some level, and a part of him would never think he deserved to stay with Squall, Seifer knew he'd do his damnedest to help keep their resident sorceress safe, if only for Squall's sake. 

Anyway, "No one in Timber's likely to attack me on sight," Seifer offered, because it was true; as Ultimecia's right hand, he'd stepped on a lot of toes while looking for Ellone, not to mention the fact that most Galbadians would probably hate him for his part in Deling's murder. But Ultimecia had been focussed on coastal towns, and most of the people living in Timber would be glad Deling was dead, so he'd probably be, if not welcomed with open arms, at least tolerated better than most anywhere else. 

"Fair point," Rinoa said, clearly delighted at having support for her preferred move to Timber. 

Squall looked between them a few times, mouth turned down in such a way, Seifer was fairly certain he'd given up fighting them. He finally said, "Whatever," and turned away. 

"Squall," Rinoa said, a note of warning in her voice that was just dangerous enough to have Seifer fighting the urge to run away. 

"I can't just up and leave," Squall informed her in a bland tone. "There's paperwork involved." 

"You don't want SeeD coming after us because we dragged him off without a word of warning," Seifer pointed out, because he didn't doubt for one minute that someone would jump to that conclusion first thing. And he wouldn't put it past the lot Squall called 'friends' to step out of the way of the mob and let Squall and Seifer handle them. 

"Oh, right. I didn't even think about that," Rinoa admitted, sounding just a bit ashamed. 

Squall let out that annoying little non-committal noise of acknowledgement that he always used in public – Seifer was half convinced Squall did it because he knew it got on Seifer's nerves – then walked away. 

Seifer and Rinoa stayed in the Training Centre for a little over an hour, after that. They made for the cafeteria after, both hungry, and it wasn't until they'd sat down at a table together, that it occurred to Seifer: "This is not going to help those rumours." 

"What, us eating together like we're friends?" Rinoa guessed, before sighing and shrugging. "Probably not, but if we're leaving soon, I don't see why it matters." 

"It doesn't, I'm just pointing it out." 

Rinoa shot him a look that seemed way too fond, to Seifer, and his sneer in response was reflex, but accurate enough that he didn't feel the need to take it back. She laughed, quiet but no less amused, and Seifer was a little insulted that she apparently didn't take him seriously any more. 

"So," he asked, partially as punishment, partially because he was maybe a little curious, " _do_ you want to bang Leonhart?" 

She choked on a mouthful of food, and Seifer patted himself on the back for winning that mini round. "How does he put up with you?" she asked once she'd recovered. 

Seifer was pretty sure that was meant as a joke, on her part, but his responding, "I have no idea," came out a little too honest for comfort. 

She sighed and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "He's pretty," she said, and Seifer snorted, because that was certainly true enough, "and you know I like pretty things." 

"Really?" Seifer had to say, voice heavy with sarcasm. "No, I had no idea." 

Her unnecessarily obvious eyeroll looked way too much like Squall's, and Seifer grimaced a bit at the show that she was adopting his mannerisms, while she said, "I would totally sleep with him if it was on offer. But he made it clear that he was spoken for. And I already know you don't share well." 

"You mean I don't share _at all_ ," Seifer couldn't resist correcting, although he'd mostly resigned himself to sharing Squall with Rinoa, at least to the point that she needed a knight to help her keep her powers in check. 

She laughed, clearly amused, and Seifer sneered at her again. 

"Rinoa?" Trepe said, as she stopped next to their table with Xu and a couple of other younger SeeD that Seifer knew she'd been on good terms with while she was an instructor. "What are you doing with _him_?" And then she threw Seifer a particularly poisonous glare. 

Seifer smirked and leant back in his chair in response, acting like he was having the time of his life, because he _refused_ to be hurt by yet another show that Squall's 'friends' would prefer him dead. 

"Seifer's my friend," Rinoa said, a hard edge to her voice that made Seifer's hair stand on end. 

"Quistis, come on," one of the SeeDs said, casting Rinoa a disgusted look. "Leave the sorceress and her knight." 

"Almasy is _not_ Rinoa's knight!" Trepe snapped, turning on the SeeD who'd spoken. 

The SeeD did not look convinced. 

"A-plus delivery, Instructor," Seifer said. He made a show of clapping his hands together a couple of times while Trepe turned back to glare at him, ignoring Rinoa kicking him under the table, then he stopped and said, "Oh, wait, that's right. _Ex_ -instructor." And then he flashed her a sharp smile. 

Trepe's tray was halfway to the floor, her hand on her whip and murder in her eyes, when Rinoa shouted, " _Stop it!_ "

A mostly invisible wave of magic slammed down between Seifer and Trepe, knocking her back a couple of steps and shoving his chair back at least an inch. It let up almost as soon as it had appeared, but it was enough to knock the breath out of Seifer, and land Trepe on her ass, he saw when he glanced that way, which suited him fine. 

And then he saw people around them reaching for their weapons and jumped out of his seat, drawing Hyperion as he stepped around the table to get between Rinoa and as many people as he could; he might not be her knight, but damned if he was going to face Squall if she died because he stayed out of things. He met the blade of the closest SeeD with his own, then kicked out, shoving him back into the two SeeDs coming up behind him. "We're leaving!" he snapped to Rinoa. 

"Stop it!" Trepe ordered, grabbing one SeeD by the shoulder to stop her, and snapping her whip at a few cadets looking like they wanted to take a potshot at their resident sorceress. And then, unexpectedly, she looked at Seifer and snapped, "Get her out!" 

Rinoa was already standing, and she didn't fight Seifer when he ushered her out of the cafeteria, leaving it for Trepe to deal with the fallout. 

They ended up in Squall's office on the top floor, and he listened to everything with a blank expression, then sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "Hopefully no one will fight me about my leaving, now," he muttered. 

Given that most of Garden seemed to think Seifer was Rinoa's knight, not Squall, he wasn't certain how well that would work out. But it seemed to be enough for _someone_ – or else everyone realised that they would either deal with Seifer and Rinoa, or lose Squall, and decided on the latter – because Squall had his severance pay within two days, and no one tried to stop them as they left Garden. (Thought Squall's 'friends' did come to see them off; they avoided Seifer, and Seifer politely kept his sneers to himself.) 

Timber, when they got there, pretty much welcomed them all with a massive party. Which may or may not have had something to do with the Galbadian soldier who had recognised Seifer as they were getting off the train, called for the backup of every soldier in Timber, and then proceeded to attempt an attack. Which failed, because Squall was an overprotective idiot, Rinoa wasn't much better, and Seifer was tired of holding himself back from killing idiots with a death wish. 

Seifer was not privy to the next part – had pretty much grabbed Squall and gone to their room as soon as they had one, before one of the two of them could get claustrophobic because of all the people and ended up killing someone – but rumour had it that Rinoa had video-called her father, informed him that Timber was a free state, and hung up on his disbelieving stuttering. Much to the unending glee of pretty much everyone in attendance. 

The next group of Galbadian soldiers were met at the city gates by an armed crowd, with Rinoa leading the pack. Seifer and Squall had been insistent that they remain with her, and Rinoa had huffed and rolled her eyes, but agreed, and the Timber natives had kindly held to that, giving both of them ample space to swing their gunblades or summon GFs, if necessary. 

"Timber is no longer under Galbadian rule," Rinoa informed the commanding officer of the soldiers. 

"Sweetheart," the man said, with the sort of sickening-sweet smile that left Seifer hoping their resident sorceress blew him up in a show of power, "you can't just go around declaring territories to belong to themselves. Timber belongs to Galbadia, as it has for almost a decade, now." 

"Territories change, and your president is dead," Rinoa informed him, earning a resounding roar from the resistance army at their back. "So is your sorceress, given I inherited her powers." 

And then, in a rather impressive display, Rinoa grew massive white wings, sending a cloud of feathers out over the Timber natives. 

The look Squall shot Seifer was a rather obvious, 'Did you know she could do that?'

Seifer shrugged; he hadn't known, no, but he knew a sorceress' wings were the physical representation of her power, so he'd sort of assumed she had a pair. He'd also assumed they would be impressive, though he'd honestly expected them to look a lot more terrifying. Leave it to Rinoa to turn Ultimecia's terrifying powers into something far more benevolent, at least on the outside. 

The soldiers were fairly clearly unwilling to take on Ultimecia's successor, and judging by the looks some of them were sending at Seifer, Galbadia would be joining Balamb Garden in assuming he was her knight. 

Well, fine. Fuck them all. So long as Squall was willing to keep him around and remained Rinoa's knight, Seifer supposed he could live with playing knight-adjacent and letting the world think he was the one to watch out for; that suited his and Squall's personalities far more, anyway. 

Within a week, Rinoa had been named president of Timber, which was once again a free state, and Seifer and Squall ended up in charge of building Timber's army back up and leading them. 

Eventually, Seifer would figure out that even he deserved redemption, and he and Squall both would learn to let more than each other in (though Seifer would never actually get on with Trepe or Dincht, and only really tolerated Kinneas and Tilmitt because they seemed willing to try). 

And, one day, Rinoa would find someone who loved her in spite of what she was, and who was strong enough to bear the burden of being her knight. And Seifer and Squall would celebrate by travelling the world for a couple years, before returning to Timber, which had long since become the place they called home.

.

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh, I'm not 100% happy with the ending, but rl spend this month kicking me in the arse, and finding the time to work on this was liable to make me start crying eventually, so I ended it as best I could.
> 
> In other news, Happy New Year! Here's hoping 2018 is a great year (and magically involves an HD version of this game XD).


End file.
